Aren't weekends grand? It's the time to relax, time to be with family, catch up on laundry (everyone's favorite) and most importantly not have to go through the hustle and bustle of the work week. Some get excited about the activities that weekends bring; sporting events, time with friends, movies, or going out to dinner. Weekends are indeed grand.
So, why is it that today of all days I feel as though it is the least grand day. Do you ever have those days where you think, "Can we just start over?" You're probably thinking "What could go wrong? You haven't done anything today." Indeed, I have done nothing today. Maybe that's part of the problem. I was awoken at 4:30 this morning to take cough medicine (thank goodness they woke me from a dead sleep to prevent me from coughing). I take the medicine and felt really shaky....probably effects of my potent Ambien! While I laid here trying to go back to sleep, I started feeling some wierd tightening. So I lay thinking, worrying. I don't want the nurses to think I'm going crazy...."this girl doesn't even know if she's having contractions?!" So I wait until 5:30 and call the nurse. Since I have to be hooked up to the monitor soon anyway, they hook me up and verify that yes, indeed, I'm having some contractions. But then that's it. No worried looks, no explanations, no questions. So I tell myself there's nothing to worry about. I order breakfast, but still don't feel well. Tired, upset stomach, headache, just kind of "there" without being present. Maybe I should take a shower. No, that would take way to much effort. So I put my earplugs back in, eye mask back on, sound machine on and veg for a few hours. Before I know it, Kevin and Natalie arrive.
Even that didn't bring me out of my zone. Sure I loved seeing them, but I didn't have anything to contribute. Mom, Aunt Ann and Aunt Rosie stopped by after their TCC walk. That brightened my spirits, but then made me sad when Mom sounded so sick. Off they went and I decided to pull myself out of bed and shower. So I get up, and get a bloody nose. Not just, hmmm, I think my nose is bleeding. But, dripping....on my pants.....which I didn't have more of. I then take a shower, in a 3 x 3 shower stall with almost no light. Attempted to shave my legs....lots of cuts. Natalie's at the door saying something to me, wanting to know when I'll be done. Sounds relaxing huh? As Kev and Natalie leave I feel alone and sad. By this time I can't hold back tears. "Get over it, Sarah! Pull yourself together!" After they leave, I dry my hair and figure I've had enough. Back to bed, back to sleep.
Julie and Karen took me on a virtual shopping trip, still not feeling better.
Evening time brought Aunt Mary and Uncle Jim. My spirits lifted a bit and as they left, Connie and Darcy came to visit. That brought more lifted spirits. Natalie and Kevin showed up and visited for awhile then went home to go to bed.
So that was my day. Nothing exciting. Nothing dramatic. Nothing special. Still feel out of it. Time to go to bed and end this day. Hopefully tomorrow will bring brighter spirits and a more positive outlook.
I have days like that too. When I was going through chemo I would suddenly for no reason have a down in the dumps day. Then I would get mad at myself because I wasted a day that God gave me. I didn't use it to the best of my ability. So I would allow myself one of those days, then the next day get be thankful and joyful God gave me another chance to do better. No one expects us to be perfect everyday and sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we should be. Today is a new day - delight and be joyful in it.
ReplyDeleteI'm is feeling better today and think I might survive this cold. Anyway I sounded a lot worse than what I felt.
I love you.
Some days are just hard, and it is okay not to be "up" all the time. When my youngest, Aidan, was in the hospital or quarrantined for low blood counts I had those days too. It was hard to be away from one child who was at home, to feel like I was accomplishing nothing while sitting in a hospital room, and then I would be reminded that I was exactly where I needed to be and doing just what I needed to do...taking care of my baby who was sick. That's what you are doing too, taking care of your babies. It's just hard some days when you wish you could take care of the baby/family who are at home at the same time. My prayers are with you Sarah, and with Kevin, Natalie, and those precious little boys.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth Goodwin (from KFPC Wed. morning Bible study)